This is a bit of a whiny post and severely lacking in my usual snarky humor, but I’ll try not take you too far into the dumps.
As the title suggests, I’m having a tough time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. As in, why can I not write faster? Why am I not selling more books? Why am I even bothering with this whole writing thing?
Basically, I haven’t been feeling very good about my writing at all lately.
Well, my writing career anyway.
See, other than the fact that it takes me an agonizingly long time, I’m not worried about my writing. I know my writing is strong. Sure I’m a little shy about my first couple of books for various reasons, but over the past few years I have done my work and put in the words (and the edits of those words) to strengthen my storytelling skills, my character development, and my overall wordsmithery.
But I’m constantly reminded that I’m not doing well, not doing enough, not succeeding. And I’m beginning to wonder if I ever will be.
I generally try not to show off the negative side of what’s clicking around in my head, but lately it’s just been getting to me.
The first wallop to my modicum of self-confidence came when listening to a podcast in which they interviewed an author who puts out a book every month. And apparently these books aren’t crap because she is making a killing and has gobs of loyal fans who beg for more.
I want to write fast. Believe me, I do! I know I can write and edit about three books a year, plus a short story every two or three months, but I can’t seem to break past that. And in the indie world, three books a year is considered too slow.
So that podcast served as yet another reminder that I’m a slow writer and left me cursing and hating myself.
Note: In reality, I’m a slow re-writer because I want to put out the best product possible. My books tend to go through at least five drafts before heading into the final rounds of proofreading. Somehow these magic book-a-month writers are able to whip out books that only need one round of editing. My slow mind boggles.
Then there’s the constant news I hear of people who put out a book they worked a few months on, didn’t really know what they were doing, barely put any effort or thought into their cover design and “somehow” ended up selling thousands of copies in the first week.
I know we writers are told not to give in to comparisonitis, but it’s really hard not to when Failure seems to be your middle name in regards to the one thing you truly feel you’re good at and want to do.
I honestly don’t know what to do to improve things. I do know my backlist of books needs a revamp (new covers especially), but other than that I cannot figure out what I’m doing wrong, how I’ve gotten myself so deep into the hole of failure, and whether it’s worth trying to dig my way out of that hole.
Oh right, I said I wasn’t going to get too far into the dumps, didn’t I?
Wait, speaking of holes…
My only plan now is to keep working on my Cassie Black trilogy. I had plans to release book one this year, but can’t see the point. And not because of this mopey moment I’m going through.
See, the book would have had a fall release date, but that’s going to be right in the midst of the fisticuffs brouhaha also known as the US Presidential Election. There’s no way I’m going to try to compete with that.
I’ll probably end up releasing the book early next year (which is going to be a painful wait and a topic I’ll be covering soon). Books two and three of the trilogy will be done by then, but I’m still waffling all over the place of whether or not to do a rapid release or to spread the releases out.
Again, release strategies…another thing I can’t get right. (If you’d like to give your thoughts/advice on rapid release vs. slow release PLEASE leave a comment.)
Am I going to bother marketing the book, trying to raise your interest in the book, or do anything but release it and call it a job done? I don’t know. Right now, I can’t see why I should bother.
I mean, I
like LOVE the book, it’s won a couple measly awards, and think it’s some of my strongest storytelling yet, but my efforts to get people interested in my work have proven themselves pointless too many times for me to have much marketing motivation.
Of course, I am really stubborn and really tenacious, so I may give it one more try. Because I guess that’s what I am good at…an enthusiasm for my own work and being too stupid to know when to quit.
Okay, that’s it for the whine fest.
Wait, did someone say, “Wine?!”
Again, if you have any thoughts or comments or links to discount wine clubs, toss them at me.
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