No, I’m Not Dead.

I know all of you were rushing out to buy my books because you thought I was dead and were thinking something along the lines of “Oooh, these will be worth something now!” Sorry to tell you, I’m alive (but thanks for shopping, better luck next time).

I’ve been on vacation to Kauai, Hawaii. Vacation basically means, I pack up all kinds of writing notebooks, print out notes and research, and select my favorite pens with the mindset that I’ll have all this wonderful time without housework, without pet care, without other writing work to crank out page after page of my next novel or non-fiction book.

But, the best laid plans are, well, at least they got laid!

My writing total on vacation included a list of characters, a brief outline, a tad bit of research done while Mr. Husband was sleeping in and one, yes ONE, page of the actual story. Sigh…

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My stereotypical Hawaiian rainbow photo.

I tried to make up for this a bit on the plane trip back to civilization where I managed to add another five whole pages before the brain-melting boredom of being trapped in a tube of death (aka “airplane”) left me unable to do anything more creative than playing Jewel Quest on my iPad. Seriously, when you start getting excited over a cart full of soft drinks coming down the aisle and you don’t mind waiting in line to use the toilet because at least it’s something to do, you are BORED.

Now, if you recall, I am in the midst of my first year of trying to keep bees to help fuel my honey addiction (if you don’t recall, click HERE). And you will also recall I am too cheap to buy bees (see HERE) so I was trying to attract a feral swarm of bees to my hive using lemongrass oil.

I was not having much success. One, yes ONE, bee came to check out the hive…this seemed about as productive as writing while on vacation.

Or maybe not…

While on vacation I was intermittently – thanks to rather shoddy WiFi & cellular connections in the tropics – in contact with my mom who takes over our house while we go on vacation. On 24 April I got several frantic emails and phone messages from my mom that summed up to, “YOUR YARD IS FULL OF BEES!! WHAT DO I DO??!!”

Hmmm…guess the lemongrass oil really does work. And to be honest, I had no idea what she should do. She already seemed to have panic your ass off down without my help.

I gave her the number for the place where I bought the hive and asked her to find out what was normal and that they would help if anything was going wrong. Okay, I didn’t really know if they would help, but it’s okay to lie in a crisis situation.

Turns out they did help and all settled down the next day once the girls settled into their new sorority house. After escaping tube of death number 2 (SFO to PDX) and getting home myself, I went to check out my bees. My totally free, no purchase necessary bees, mind you!

There they were all clustered in a big ball. I thought, cool. And then my husband said, “But they’re just in a ball. Shouldn’t they be building comb or something?” Thanks Mr. KillJoy. After delving into some beekeeping books I learned it takes about 7 to 10 days to really get the comb building going. In the meantime, the bees were zipping in and out of the hive like, well, like busy bees.

Busy as a bee...or rather hundreds of bees.

Busy as a bee…or rather hundreds of bees.

Yesterday, in addition to being my grandma’s birthday, was Day 9 of Project Bee. I peeked inside the observation window and holy hell, COMB!!! I ran inside, yelling “Comb! We have comb!” Unfortunately, my husband was no longer upstairs so I had to run downstairs and re-yell the news, then called my mom to tell her the news which was greeted with, “You know honey is bee shit?”

It’s actually more like bee vomit. Sweet, delicious bee vomit…(insert picture of Homer Simpson drooling here)

So, even though I didn’t get an entire book or even chapter written while on vacation, at least I managed to enslave some workers to make me honey. I wonder if I can get them to write for me?

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2 thoughts on “No, I’m Not Dead.

  1. delaynamichelle19 says:

    Omigod, I’m so jealous that you’re going to have readily-available raw honey. That vomit is the shit!

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